I am responsible for myself.

I am not responsible for anyone else. I speak for no one but myself.

With that in mind…

I have decided that I will not take my failing in another person’s eyes as a personal failure. I didn’t asked to be held up against some conjured measurement or moral compass. I am a person in consistent evolution. More so in the last year than ever in my life. I have made mistakes and I take responsibility for that. I will not keep rehashing something I cannot change, nor will I be made to feel guilty. I will not allow that to keep me from becoming the person I know I want to be. I do not look back at the last 12 months and dwell on the things that I have lost. I look forward to my future and am thankful for what is around me now.

I am loyal to the core, I always have been but I think I need to protect myself more. I am making the choice to keep the friendships in my life that are truly two-way streets. I am tired of feeling like I put in all the effort. It is not worth the stress that comes with it.

Devoted

Devoted Part of Speech: adjective Definition: committed, loyal



For well over 10 years now I have collected these guys in my life who are my best friends. They are brutally honest and always there to pick me up when I fall flat. I have never dated any of them; the universe has never lined up as to have that be an option so it has rarely been an issue. I have routinely said when explaining them to people that I am “in love” with all of these guys. I have been thinking about that statement lately and decided that wasn’t true. I do deeply love all of them but what I am is devoted. I would give them anything they asked for and there isn’t anything wouldn’t do for them. I treasure these friendships above all others. It is funny to me sometimes because I know that if any one of them were to all of a sudden say hey lets start dating I wouldn’t even blink. I mean who doesn’t want to be with someone who knows you that well. I just don’t see that ever happening. When I do start dating someone I tell them early on that I have these guys in my life and if you aren’t comfortable with that then we can’t be together. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than not have them in my life. No one person could ever fill what they are to me. It isn’t easy to become a part of that inner circle in my life, it takes an extreme amount of trust on my part to let that happen. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without these friendship. The circle may get bigger but it will not ever be smaller. It’s comforting and it always makes me smile. We should all be this lucky.

updates and my chance to see Eddie

I know I have been absent for a long while my life has been torn upside-down. In the last 2+ months I have filed for divorce, moved out, graduated, took 2 certification tests and taken some much needed time for myself as well as started working at the clinic I did my internship at. These are all good things.

Rob and I are going to be fine… as friends. We talk everyday and txt often. I think he is ready for all of my stuff to be gone from the house but that will happen soon enough. We had a hearing on August 6^th to get the divorce stuff figured out. The Judge signed off and we will be getting the paper work sometime here.

I graduated on June 25^th. On the 26^th I went on the annual vacation with friends and family to the north shore. I have mentioned it here before. We went up on Friday and came home on Tuesday. It was amazing. I got to chill with as my mom puts it “My family of choice”. The Cross-etts (all 8 of them), the Tennessen clan, Roger Doger and last but not least… Lois J. We played Todd ball and sat around the fire. I had the best and most well needed sleep.

We got back on Tuesday and on that Wednesday I checked in to the hotel where Convergence was going to be held. I spent the next 5 days/nights at the hotel getting my geek on. I realized just how much I missed my geeks. I hung out with the gang but also got to hang with my mom my real brother and my little brothers (My mom’s best friends kids) Pack and Andrew. It was great! I can’t wait for next year.

A few week later I went to Nebraska to visit my Grands. It was good to see them I haven’t been down to see them in a while. Mom and I managed to not argue/try to kill each other.. always a bonus.

Last week I spent time in Lansing MI with one of my oldest and closest friends, Eddie. Eddie moved away between 7^th and 8^th grade, after that we wrote each other letters (yes in the days before email). I would write him 10-15 pages at a time. There were times when I would start writing him letters but I never would get around to sending them and those letters turned into my love for free writing and how I have managed to keep journals. Every “journal” entry is started with “Hey You” and always written as if I was writing to Eddie to tell him all the ups and downs of my life and help talk myself through whatever it is that I am dealing with. Eddie and I lost touch but reconnected again and I went to visit him in 2001, it was the first time I had seen him since he moved away in Jr. High. It was a great time and then it was another 8+ years before once of us got it together to visit the other. It’s easy to see that my life has been a rollercoaster this year and I really needed time to spend with one of my best friends. It was great! I got to meet his friends and it was really great to get some faces to match the names.

Our friendship is a very unique one. Our entire relationship is based on communication. Through letters and phone calls. We have always been 100% honest with each other because we don’t know any of the other people, just names. The only concern we have is for each other. There also is no judgment. The good the bad and the ugly, it doesn’t matter. Ours is an unconditional love and I am not talking romantically. I have someone who I can talk freely with without fear of judgment... who knows every ugly secret and it doesn't change how he interacts with me... someone who will not tell me what I want to hear but the truth no matter how much it hurts... That is what is rare and the true meaning of unconditional love. I have been lucky to find that and be able to hold on to it for 20 years.

Finding that oasis in Lansing last week, was an amazing thing. I was able to step back from the worries and stresses that are a part of everyday. The stress of starting a new life and trying to keep my sanity. I didn’t know coming home would hit me as hard as it did. It is tempting to just run away, but that is not the answer to anything.

Oh and by the way I PASSED MY NATIONAL CERT TEST!!! I AM A CVT!

Finals

Finals are tomorrow. I am as ready as I am going to get. What I am looking forward to is going out with my friend afterwards and consuming beer. Beer is good... beer after finals? tastes better

I am back… and damn I have missed me

Back at the start of the quarter I switched one of my meds and that was the biggest mistakes I could have made. This was the quarter I was taking Surgery and Anesthesia, where we assist with REAL animal surgeries. I also started working at school as an Animal care supervisor, not a good time to be messing with the status quo. The new meds seriously messed with my head. I was edgy and had a very short fuse. I didn’t like the way it made me feel and I was basically withdrawing from everything and when I wasn’t at school I was sleeping. I would make myself stay awake till Rob got home at 630 and would be in bed and asleep by 8 and would sleep straight through to my alarm. On weekends I would go to bed at 7 and sleep till 10am and take naps in the afternoon. I didn’t want to hang out with anyone and the biggest clue things were getting bad was the fact that I wasn’t excited at all for Halloween. If you know me you know I LIVE for carving pumpkins. That is when I couldn’t take it anymore and went back to the doctor and switched back. It was awful. Once I started to feel better I realized how much I was enjoying my classes and LOVE my job.
Over the last few weeks I have been going out, hanging with friends and just having a good time. I have seen Drew more in the last two weeks then I had in the last 3 months. It was when I was with Drew at DWI that I was once again being myself and happy, and it felt good to be me. I even got Rob to go out this weekend it was great. Kate I cursed you last week, I REALLY wanted to go out and get beer and I was striking out with all my boys and Rob was giving me the stink eye about all my options being boys and I was like “damn you Kate why did you have to go and move on me!!!” but that is ok he got over it. Being me is good. I am looking forward to having 2 weeks off from school (even though I will be working at school) and the start of the new quarter.

Friday Night Another DWI

Friday I went to another taping of Drinking With Ian and I had a blast. Drew and I went together as the hubby wasn’t feeling well. We started the night by having dinner at the chatterbox pub. I had the Sicilian Salad: Romaine lettuce tossed with sun dried tomatoes, crispy pepperoni, roasted green olives, feta, parmesan, shaved red onions, and roasted garlic, tossed with our balsamic merlot vinaigrette. I am telling that was the best salad I have ever had and I am not really a salad person. We went there so Drew could wish a friend a happy birthday but they went to the one in St Paul and we went to the one in mpls oops :)

DWI was a blast as always. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard my side hurt. Free drinks, free laughs, meeting and hanging out with really fun people and at one point I twisted my ankle but frankly it was well worth it. I can’t wait to do it again. :)

The list of things I don't miss about working in TV is truthfully endless, the list of things I do miss is very short and near to the top if not the top of that list is Ian. I loved playing his show, I love the concept behind the show and I miss him coming in to drop off new shows and brightening the end of my day.

It’s finals week again

I have three finals this week. One tonight and two on Wednesday. I am less worried about tonight’s test because it is all multiple choice and one long answer and our teacher already gave us the gist of the long answer question. The other 2 scare me because of how those teachers make their tests. They aren’t as much hard as they are thorough. That is what makes them tough you just never feel like you have studied enough. You can read every page and go over the past tests and then you’ll run into a question and think, how the hell did I miss that. Don’t get me wrong I love all of my teacher, they just expect me to know a lot. This quarter has just flown by. It’s like we didn’t even have a summer. I am pretty sure I am going to get at least one A and 2 B’s. Next quarter I am taking surgery and anesthesia, we will have real animals lives in our hand. It’s kind of scary to think I am that far along in the program, but it also feels like a lifetime since I made the decision to go back to school. It is amazing how much happier I am then I was before I started school . The idea of going back to working in television makes me want to shoot myself. I bitch about having to get up and go to school but it is nothing like what I felt having to go in to my last station.

I had a great Birthday. I got my tattoo. I also had an awesome time with my friends on the 4th. We went to Old Chicago and it was the best birthday I have had in years. I love my friends. It was cool it was friends from school, Rob and friends from outside of school. Loved it. I can’t wait to do it again. :)

I am having a good day

and I have all my homework done too.

As you know I am getting my Clyde tattoo and I wasn’t sure about where I wanted it. I have another tattoo that I am going to get when I am done with school as a graduation gift. What it will be is a broken television with paw prints trailing away. This is to symbolize the end of my career in TV and the start of my new life of animal care. It is going to be a fairly large tattoo and I needed to figure out where I was going to put the TV first because I wanted to make sure there was enough room on my back for both tattoos. If there wasn’t enough room for both I would have to find another place for Clyde. As Rob and I were discussing my tattoo placement he suggested that I cover my tiger tattoo with the TV. I got my tiger tattoo some 10 years ago, it is a very simple tiger that was one of the many stock tattoos that you can find in any and all tattoo parlors. I loved my tiger until I saw the exact same tattoo on a not so pretty guy and ever since then I have been disappointed in it. I have 2 original tattoos and just wasn’t happy having something so unoriginal. I had looked into removal. The tiger in not small therefore removing it would not be cheap. So I decided to ask if it would be possible to cover the tiger with the TV. Rob and I made a run to talk to my tattoo guy. We stopped in for a quick consult; Jerred took one look at my tiger and said no problem. YIPPIE!!! That means I will have plenty of room for my TV, Clyde and maybe someday another tiger. I made my appointment for next Saturday at 4:30 to get Clyde done.

Later today Rob and I are going to Kate’s to say Aloha as she and Zac go on to the next stop on their marital adventure - Hawai'i

Long Term Re-cap part 1

Rob and I are coming up on our second wedding anniversary and in September we will have been together for 4 years. This is best and healthiest relationship I have ever been in. That got me thinking about my past long term relationships and thought it would be fun to hash over.

Here is part one

My first LTR was in high school, his name was Chris he was a year ahead of me and went to a different HS. We were together for 2 years. The last 4 months of our relationship he was away at school. He came home for winter break, we hung out every day did all the things teenagers do when they haven't seen each other in a long time. He went back to school and in the first week of January he calls me up to tell me he thinks we should break up and soon after that I found out he was hooking up with some chick. It was horrible... for me... and for the people who had to be around me (sorry Kate). He even sent Christmas cards to my out of state grandparents that year. He never really gave me a concrete reason why he broke things off that is until 2000. He had tried to contact me before that but I just didn’t have it in me to deal with it. At that point I felt it had been long enough we had both grown up and had been in the real world long enough that maybe we could be friends. We started talking while he was stationed in California somewhere. Things were going fine. I had forgiven him for breaking up with me and then hooking up with Rain. He started asking me about my relationship and giving me unwanted advice (I was with Dan at the time but I will get to him later). Then for whatever reason I will NEVER understand he informed that the reason he broke up with me in HS was for MY OWN GOOD. He felt that I was "too attached", that I "relied" on him for emotional needs Hello??? I loved the guy... in theory he loved me too... we were in a RELATIONSHIP!!!! Yes I know... it was HS but still. He then followed that lovely statement with he had his friend Dylan (who I really was never a fan of) “check up” on me, like drive by my parents house for him. I was being stalked by proxy. I flew off the handle... I had come to terms with the fact that he was just a horny guy states away from his girlfriend why did he have to purge his soul of that? I told him to go to hell and never try to be a part of my life. Chris tried to contact me again year or two after that, he called me from Japan but the answering machine picked up, he was talking so low that it cut him off. I never did find out what he called me about. He is a few years overdue for the “pop in” maybe he got the message that he isn’t meant to be in my life, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he did try again.

Heck of a week......

I am in a really GREAT mood, and I plan on staying that way for the rest of the week.

I went to the dentist this morning for the first time in forever. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. I am going to have to go back for deep cleaning and to fix one filling. They didn’t yell at me which made the idea of coming back not so bad.

Now that that is out of the way I have tomorrow to look forward to, and it’s going to be a GREAT day. I get to spend the day at school with my buddy Chrissie and she makes our classes fun :) I love that girl!!!!! After school I am running over to my mom’s so I can aspirate a lump on Oberon and clean his ears, but mostly I am going over so I can take a shower and change because ...

KATE AND I ARE GOING THE WILD GAME!!!!!!!!!!! I am totally stoked. I can’t even remember last hockey game I went to. I am sure it was the last game Kate and I went to together... that was our “thing” in high school you see. So this is how the game came about. Kate and I have been bantering about that we needed to go out for beers, dinner, or coffee but we hadn’t really nailed down a time.. no big deal. Then last Tuesday my mom went to the coffee shop on the corner for her weekly knitting group and who does she ambush (and call by her sister’s name)? none other than Kate. So there Kate is having a peaceful time with her cousin when mom feels the need to make us talk to each other and calls me up on her cell phone and hands it to Kate. We have an uncomfortable conversation and we agree that we will do something this Tuesday and we’ll email the details. We sent the emails with no concrete plans on Wednesday. I was also thinking I should see if Bill is working on Tuesday because maybe I could grab a drink with him after dinner with Kate and after he get off work because I would be in Minneapolis anyway. Well I have access to Bill’s schedule so I looked up 3/4/08 and he is working the Wild game and that gave me the bright idea that Kate and I should go to a hockey game. After reading her latest blog I knew the girl needed a hockey game. I checked with ticketmaster and they said they didn’t have any tickets left so I hit up Bill to see if he could hook us up. I was a chick on a mission. Few days went by and no word from Bill but I did sign up for alerts if they released anymore tickets for the game and I got one. I jumped online and got us 2 tickets. :) I was rather proud of myself. If you didn’t notice I didn’t ask Kate before I bought the tickets… I was teasing my un-sportloving hubby that if Kate couldn’t go that he was going to go… he didn’t like that idea. I texted her and asked if she knew anyone who wanted to go to the game and thankfully for Rob she said she would go. :)

Good times

We got snow. I love fresh untouched snow, it is so pretty.

I got to dissect a rat in class, that was cool as hell.

I went out for drinks with Bill, last time we had beers was in June. We need to try put less time between when we hang out. We went to one of my favorite bars the Dubliner. Always a good time when live Irish music is involved. I managed to make it home with no police participation

I applied for a job at a vet clinic, everyone keep your paws crossed for me. (see that…I made a funny)

Today I had a hair appointment and Hair Rob did wonders on me. I just love what he does with my hair.
Before
After

And to add an ever better ending to my week… GREG AND AMY ARE COMING TO TOWN!!!! The whole famdambly Mom, Dad, me, Rob, Greg, Amy, Amy’s folks Jim and Milly, Amy’s brother’s family; Scott, Mary, Alex and Meg are going to mom’s house on Sunday for the annual Riedesel- Burroughs-Keen Extravaganza. I LOVE Riedesel- Burroughs-Keen Extravaganzas it has to be my favorite holiday all year.

It’s time to write about life.

Well let’s start out with school. School has been going good. I am taking 4 classes, 2 are kicking my ass and the other 2 are not so bad. The toughest classes are Anatomy & Physiology. They are taught by a veterinarian and she has a tendency to talk over our heads. I really like her and wish she still practiced but her tests are extremely hard and it doesn’t seem to matter how little or how much I study I can’t seem to get better than 67%. Thankfully that is still passing and I have resigned myself to being happy as long as I pass and don’t have to take it over. We have started dissection, I thought that was going to be harder than it has been. I told my partner that I couldn’t handle a orange tabby so thankfully he got us an all black shorthaired female cat. I am amazed at how cool looking at the muscles is. Next week we start the GI system.

In sort of school related news….I am up to 4 workouts at school and one over my weekend. We have free access to the workout room at school. For the first two weeks it was Me, Chrissie and Britney going on Monday and Wednesday (an hour+), then Donalee wanted to start going on Tuesday and Thursday(just an hour). It’s great! The workout room is staffed by Health and Fitness students. Our guy is Josh and he ROCKS! He has us do different routines it’s really cool. The only part that sucks is that because of my knee surgery in 2002 and the lack of continued rehab I have to see my orthopedic surgeon to get cleared for some of the lower body stuff. That appointment isn’t until the 20th, so on M&W I am on the treadmill while Chrissie and Brit work out and then on T&Th Josh has me do a modified version of what they did without the lunges or squats. I tell you I never thought I would enjoy working out. On Monday we had to cut the workout short because Chrissie and I had a big test to study for and I felt really bad about it.

So that is my life update! I have to parties this weekend and a paper to write!!

GRUDGE

Part of Speech: noun
Definition: bitterness
Synonyms: animosity, animus, antipathy, aversion, bad blood, dislike, enmity, grievance, hard feelings, hate, hatred, ill will, injury, injustice, malevolence, malice, maliciousness, malignancy, peeve, pet peeve, pique, rancor, resentment, spite, spitefulness, spleen, venom

Grudges, I am full of them, and I hold them for a long time. In the last year my mother has been trying to convince me that I should forgive a childhood friend (she wasn’t really my friend but a daughter of my parents friends who was also my age), this girl was mean and a bully. She liked making the other girls at my birthday parties cry and when I was 5 or 6 I was at her house and she locked me in her parents room and wouldn’t let me leave, I was in hysterics. When my parents decided I was old enough to choose my own friends I no longer had anything to do with her. I hate her to this day and I still want nothing to do with her. I don’t care that she has signed up to save the world through the Peace Corp or whatever. There is nothing she can do that will make me forget/forgive what she did to me when I had no say in whether I wanted to be around her. Yes it seems petty that 25-27 years later I am so adamant about my feelings, but when I hear my parents talk about how wonderful she is I can’t help but feel like that little girl screaming and pounding on that bedroom door begging to be let out and just go home. I see no reason to change my opinions about people who royally fucked me over. The guy who molested me when I was 13 could find the cure for cancer, AIDS and world hunger, I still want him dead. All those kids who treated me like shit at my parents church and the assholes from high school, I don’t want to hear about them. I just don’t care. For some reason my folks have a hard time understanding that I don’t want an update on the people who treated me like crap or thought they were better than me. I have spent my time clearing my life of people like that for a reason.

But then there is Kate. That was a whole other issue. I managed to get over that because I had to ask myself, what had Kate really done to me that earned my being so angry. The simple fact was, she had done nothing. We spent four very intense and emotional (it was high school) years together. There wasn’t a day that we didn’t see each other or at least spend an hour on the phone. Then we graduated and went on to separate schools and paths in life. We tried for awhile to make each other fit, but life being what it is it just wasn’t working and that hurt. A lot. It always hurts when someone important to you moves on without you. The anger (at least for me) came from not understanding why something that was important in my life was no longer as important in hers, and the other way around as well. From there the we just got stubborn. As adults (and yes Kate we qualify as adults) we were finally able to accept that we now can fit. Will we end up like Mom & Molly?? Who knows, but we will always have a connection.

The moral of the story?? I guess it’s just don’t screw me over. And if you do, I am not going to care what you are doing 5, 10, 15 or 25 years later.

What a monday!

I took my second test today and I got a B. That was cool!

Then I went out to lunch with Kate... we always have so much fun.

Then I stopped by my friendly neighborhood Kia dealer and bought a new car

This is my new Kia Spectra, it's a 2007 with 8099 miles on it. my side of the garage is so empty. I already have my Nebraska window sticker on I am just going to miss my Nebraska tire cover.

I am looking forward to the added 7-11 miles per gallon average over my sportage. Last week between work and school I drove 405 miles. It's 427 miles from my front door to my favorite Quick Trip in Omaha that is only 20 miles more, how scary is that? I am hoping to go from 8 tanks of gas a month to 5 and at $36+ a tank that is a nice saving.

Monday continued…

I managed to get my running done with enough time to get home and see my hubby before he went off to work (his shift was 1p-1a that day) and then at 1p I met up with Bret for lunch. The funny thing about Bret is that when we worked together we never hung out. He invited Rob & I to a post WSS party and then to a new years party at his place. Both times were parties and we never really got to sit and talk. We knew basics and I thought he was a cool guy, but that was it. What was only supposed to be lunch turned out to be an all day beer fest. We sat and talked for 4 hours before we left the bar and ended the evening at the house sitting on the front porch finishing off what beer I had in the house. It was really cool. Bret is TV people, I’m TV people, and we share a lot of the same reason for being TV people. It is always fun to talk about the rush of being a part of something that could all go to hell at any moment. I will always love talking about being part of live TV. Bret finally took off just before midnight. My ass was worn out Tuesday, and we will have to do that again sometime… it just will not be when I have to get up and go to school and work the next day.
Love that boy!

Happy Friday!!

I had a doctors appointment on Monday, nothing big just routine maintenance. Before my appointment I went to lunch with my buddy Drew. I miss Drew. Drew and I worked together when I was in high school. Drew went to the same high school but graduated before I got there. After HS I would run into Drew at least once a year we would hug share a “how ya been?” and that was the end of that. After I moved home my mom invited me to join her at a wedding of a good friend of my brother, and low and behold Drew was there. We talked and reconnected. My favorite band was going to be at the xcel center and I asked Drew if he wanted to go with me and we decided that it would be cool. At this point even though I had moved back to Minnesota from Bismarck I had gotten back together with CGXBF. When I told CGXBF that I was going to the concert with Drew, CGXBF said “good that means I don’t have to go”. He was in Bismarck there was no way he could go, but he didn’t (and never did) care that I was going out with another guy. At the concert it was almost like I just blinked and decided I was done with CGXBF. I was having a great time with a guy I have known for years at a concert of a band I adore. We were just being goofy waiting in line for Guster to sign some of my stuff and I looked at Drew and realized I hadn't been that happy or relaxed in ages. It felt a lot like when I would hang out with The Guys. I wasn't worrying about saying too much, acting too silly or making anybody mad. It was amazing, I guess I didn't notice how much of my personality I had been keeping in for the 3 years I was with CGXBF. The worst part of that weekend lasted 10 minutes and that is when I called CGXBF and told him I wasn't happy and that I was done. I was giddy and grinning, I called Bill and I just felt like a million bucks. I felt truly free. I took a step back and saw that wasn't as good as it was going to get for me. After that Drew and I would have lunch together once a week. When both worked in Eden Prairie and I miss him. Of all the people in my life I think Drew knows me better than anyone. Even better then Rob only because he has seen me go from crazy high school cheerleader to depressed and lonely to self confident and in love. Everyone should have a friends like that.

Oh and on a side note….
Today I am in theory having drinks with Bill. Now the last two times we were to go out he had other things he needed to do. Work and family… that selfish bastard! Kidding! I love the guy.

love.... hate

My buddy Bill is one of my most favorite people in the universe. He’s a great guy and a good dad. What makes that suck for me is… he is ditching me AGAIN!!!! His son has something important going on tomorrow so Bill can’t have beers with me. So I have the whole day off and no where to go. If he had told me this last week then I could have spent the day today with my hubby. But no… I get to hang out by myself. I do have a nail appointment at 215, yippie.


I am depressed. Not just because Bill ditched me, but that with school coming up I am going to have even less opportunities to see my friends. I rarely see them as it is. It’s even hard to see Rob with the way his schedule works. That sucks…

next week

I am going to be a busy busy bee next week. Monday is a national holiday. Tuesday I have a 9am hair appointment that I am so excited for. Rob (the stylist not the hubby) does an amazing work with hair color. The girl who did my hair before was good but Rob is awesome. I wanted an appointment on Wednesday because I am not working that day but Rob doesn’t work on Wednesday so I am going to get up extra early on Tuesday just so Rob will do my hair. Wednesday I have the day off work so I am going to get some needed shopping done. I have a nail appointment at 215 and I am (cross my fingers) meeting Bill for drinks at 430ish. Thursday I have a 8am appointment to take Cinder to the groomers to get her hair cut. Yep, we are sheering the fluffy cat.

Ahh Friday

I did call in sick to work yesterday and it was going to be a good day but…
I was outside sitting in the sun listening to Stargate on the laptop, reading my book with my sunglasses on when I heard the sputter of the sprinklers. I grabbed my regular glasses (that were sitting on the laptop), the laptop, the cell phone and the home phone and threw open the side door and tossed the whole lot in to the house just as the spout by the door went full blast. Everything was dry but the laptop landed on my glasses. When the sprinkler guy realized I was outside when the water was turned on he apologized he offered to pay for my book (the one thing I didn’t grab) and said that Barb (not the witch from across the street with the kids but another "board member" ) has been calling the company non stop to get the lawns green so they told her they would run the system all day. That was the end of my sun time. I ran over to the eyeglass place, thankfully they could bend them back into shape and tightened all the screws, for free. And they actually fit better now.

Today I am one step closer to pinning Bill down for some beers. I am taking the 30th off work so we can hang out. I am also using it as an excuse to pamper myself… get my nails done, maybe get my hair colored again. It has been well over 10 weeks since the last time. In fact it was the last time I was going to hang with Bill that I had that done… but he ditched me. I am going to have to damage him if he does it again. I am pretty sure he knows that by now. : ) I miss hanging with the guys…. Damn this being married, some with children and others living out of state crap. I don’t want to be an adult damn it! Ok… I am over it. But I do miss it.

nerves

Mom has been gone a week and my head hasn’t exploded. That is a good sign. It was on the brink…. But I made it. I have one more week. I should be ok, as long a co-worker doesn’t do anything else to raise my blood pressure.

Last night I went to the 30th birthday party of my 7th grade boyfriend, we called it “going together” then so I don’t know if that qualifies as a true BF. We never even held hands. I’ll just say he was one of my best friends in Jr. high. I hadn’t seen Nick since our high school graduation. Almost 12 years. One of Nick’s good friends, Justin, is one of my myspace buddies. We knew each other in HS as well, he was a year behind Nick and I, anyway he told me about Nick’s little bash and I thought what the heck I’ll be the flash from the past. I thought it was going to be REALLY weird…. It was at first but then it was really cool. I got to talk with Nick’s sister and his parents, who I LOVED back in the day. They are just the sweetest people ever. I got to talk and hang out with Justin and meet his girl friend, who is also very cool. I had a really good time. It was random, but good. Funny thing is the day before another one of my really good friends form Jr. high said he might be visiting this summer. I guess I hung out with good people when I was 12&13.

Now… on Monday Rob and I are going to talk to the admissions/sales people about me going back to school. I’m a little freaked out to say the least. I have been getting nothing but support and encouragement from everyone I have told, but I am still scared. I keep thinking, “what if I am too old to learn new things?”, “will I just be wasting our money?”
I just don’t know if I can clam these nerves.