I need a week off.

I don’t really take vacations. I visit Eddie in Lansing for a weekend or two a year. I have Convergence in July but as fun as that is I wouldn’t call it a completely relaxing experience. The shore isn’t as relaxing and stress free as it was when I was younger. I need one of those don’t go anywhere and putter around the house kind of vacations. Me, the cats, awful TV and no where to be. I have hit my stress limit. Everything is stressing me out and I think a week of sleeping in might just help.


I don’t get that much vacation time and it is tied to my sick time. I can’t afford to take a week off but my tax returns might be just what I need to take the time. I am also moving in March and neeeeed to get my apartment together. I have to decide what I can live without for short-term, long-term and what will go away forever. Taking a week to sort things on my terms will also reduce stress.

Just talked to the boss… It’s just a matter of getting my shifts covered.

I am responsible for myself.

I am not responsible for anyone else. I speak for no one but myself.

With that in mind…

I have decided that I will not take my failing in another person’s eyes as a personal failure. I didn’t asked to be held up against some conjured measurement or moral compass. I am a person in consistent evolution. More so in the last year than ever in my life. I have made mistakes and I take responsibility for that. I will not keep rehashing something I cannot change, nor will I be made to feel guilty. I will not allow that to keep me from becoming the person I know I want to be. I do not look back at the last 12 months and dwell on the things that I have lost. I look forward to my future and am thankful for what is around me now.

I am loyal to the core, I always have been but I think I need to protect myself more. I am making the choice to keep the friendships in my life that are truly two-way streets. I am tired of feeling like I put in all the effort. It is not worth the stress that comes with it.

Devoted

Devoted Part of Speech: adjective Definition: committed, loyal



For well over 10 years now I have collected these guys in my life who are my best friends. They are brutally honest and always there to pick me up when I fall flat. I have never dated any of them; the universe has never lined up as to have that be an option so it has rarely been an issue. I have routinely said when explaining them to people that I am “in love” with all of these guys. I have been thinking about that statement lately and decided that wasn’t true. I do deeply love all of them but what I am is devoted. I would give them anything they asked for and there isn’t anything wouldn’t do for them. I treasure these friendships above all others. It is funny to me sometimes because I know that if any one of them were to all of a sudden say hey lets start dating I wouldn’t even blink. I mean who doesn’t want to be with someone who knows you that well. I just don’t see that ever happening. When I do start dating someone I tell them early on that I have these guys in my life and if you aren’t comfortable with that then we can’t be together. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than not have them in my life. No one person could ever fill what they are to me. It isn’t easy to become a part of that inner circle in my life, it takes an extreme amount of trust on my part to let that happen. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without these friendship. The circle may get bigger but it will not ever be smaller. It’s comforting and it always makes me smile. We should all be this lucky.

updates and my chance to see Eddie

I know I have been absent for a long while my life has been torn upside-down. In the last 2+ months I have filed for divorce, moved out, graduated, took 2 certification tests and taken some much needed time for myself as well as started working at the clinic I did my internship at. These are all good things.

Rob and I are going to be fine… as friends. We talk everyday and txt often. I think he is ready for all of my stuff to be gone from the house but that will happen soon enough. We had a hearing on August 6^th to get the divorce stuff figured out. The Judge signed off and we will be getting the paper work sometime here.

I graduated on June 25^th. On the 26^th I went on the annual vacation with friends and family to the north shore. I have mentioned it here before. We went up on Friday and came home on Tuesday. It was amazing. I got to chill with as my mom puts it “My family of choice”. The Cross-etts (all 8 of them), the Tennessen clan, Roger Doger and last but not least… Lois J. We played Todd ball and sat around the fire. I had the best and most well needed sleep.

We got back on Tuesday and on that Wednesday I checked in to the hotel where Convergence was going to be held. I spent the next 5 days/nights at the hotel getting my geek on. I realized just how much I missed my geeks. I hung out with the gang but also got to hang with my mom my real brother and my little brothers (My mom’s best friends kids) Pack and Andrew. It was great! I can’t wait for next year.

A few week later I went to Nebraska to visit my Grands. It was good to see them I haven’t been down to see them in a while. Mom and I managed to not argue/try to kill each other.. always a bonus.

Last week I spent time in Lansing MI with one of my oldest and closest friends, Eddie. Eddie moved away between 7^th and 8^th grade, after that we wrote each other letters (yes in the days before email). I would write him 10-15 pages at a time. There were times when I would start writing him letters but I never would get around to sending them and those letters turned into my love for free writing and how I have managed to keep journals. Every “journal” entry is started with “Hey You” and always written as if I was writing to Eddie to tell him all the ups and downs of my life and help talk myself through whatever it is that I am dealing with. Eddie and I lost touch but reconnected again and I went to visit him in 2001, it was the first time I had seen him since he moved away in Jr. High. It was a great time and then it was another 8+ years before once of us got it together to visit the other. It’s easy to see that my life has been a rollercoaster this year and I really needed time to spend with one of my best friends. It was great! I got to meet his friends and it was really great to get some faces to match the names.

Our friendship is a very unique one. Our entire relationship is based on communication. Through letters and phone calls. We have always been 100% honest with each other because we don’t know any of the other people, just names. The only concern we have is for each other. There also is no judgment. The good the bad and the ugly, it doesn’t matter. Ours is an unconditional love and I am not talking romantically. I have someone who I can talk freely with without fear of judgment... who knows every ugly secret and it doesn't change how he interacts with me... someone who will not tell me what I want to hear but the truth no matter how much it hurts... That is what is rare and the true meaning of unconditional love. I have been lucky to find that and be able to hold on to it for 20 years.

Finding that oasis in Lansing last week, was an amazing thing. I was able to step back from the worries and stresses that are a part of everyday. The stress of starting a new life and trying to keep my sanity. I didn’t know coming home would hit me as hard as it did. It is tempting to just run away, but that is not the answer to anything.

Oh and by the way I PASSED MY NATIONAL CERT TEST!!! I AM A CVT!

It’s finals week again

I have three finals this week. One tonight and two on Wednesday. I am less worried about tonight’s test because it is all multiple choice and one long answer and our teacher already gave us the gist of the long answer question. The other 2 scare me because of how those teachers make their tests. They aren’t as much hard as they are thorough. That is what makes them tough you just never feel like you have studied enough. You can read every page and go over the past tests and then you’ll run into a question and think, how the hell did I miss that. Don’t get me wrong I love all of my teacher, they just expect me to know a lot. This quarter has just flown by. It’s like we didn’t even have a summer. I am pretty sure I am going to get at least one A and 2 B’s. Next quarter I am taking surgery and anesthesia, we will have real animals lives in our hand. It’s kind of scary to think I am that far along in the program, but it also feels like a lifetime since I made the decision to go back to school. It is amazing how much happier I am then I was before I started school . The idea of going back to working in television makes me want to shoot myself. I bitch about having to get up and go to school but it is nothing like what I felt having to go in to my last station.

I had a great Birthday. I got my tattoo. I also had an awesome time with my friends on the 4th. We went to Old Chicago and it was the best birthday I have had in years. I love my friends. It was cool it was friends from school, Rob and friends from outside of school. Loved it. I can’t wait to do it again. :)

LTReCap part 2 – Jake

Jake the Snake. He was a jerk and I was a stupid teenager. I was 19 and he was 25 (but looked 35+) and we were in a “Grey Area” what I think the kiddies call Friends with Benefits only it was he could sleep with other people and I was to beholden to our “Grey Area”. Yeah… that sucked. I have 2 funny stories from that Grey Area.

The first he and I had decided to go to the Perkins over by my parents. This was also the hang out for the kids from my high school to go to have sporting events. Well we get seated and there is a 10+ kids that I know all eating and hanging out. I went over to say hi, but Jake being a jerk didn’t want to so I went over alone. The next day I get a phone call from my friend Bulander asking me what the hell I was doing with that “Old Guy”. I was narcked by someone at the table. I had it narrowed down to Noah or Matt.

The other funny. I was at the hospital with appendicitis and I had been given good drugs and before I was going to be wheeled down the hall for surgery I kissed my mom and Jake. As I was being wheeled and getting quite loopy the orderly says “it’s nice that both your parents could be here” and in my loopy state I replied “that’s not my dad you dork that is my boyfriend” and that is the last thing I remember before waking up after the surgery.

Fired

I have quit many jobs, I have moved away from jobs, I have been harassed out of jobs and I have even been layed off… but I had never been fired… until today. The kicker is I LOVED that job. This is the first job in my lifetime that I actully question my abilities but I was so eager to learn and be good at it. I guess I wasn’t. I had my 90 days and they told me that I wasn’t up to par so they were taking the option to not keep me on. THAT SUCKS!!!! I called my mom, dad and rob and cried to them as I was driving home. Then mom talked me into going in to school and talk to my teachers (most of whom had worked at one point at this clinic) and they reasured me that my lack of success at being an assistant should not make me rethink my abilities about being a Vet Tech, and in fact one of my favorite techs from the clinic just left to become a teacher at the school and gave me a hug and told me in the long run this is a good thing. That made me feel better and then I found my girls and they all gave me hugs and told me to go get drunk, I love my girls!!!

So here is the plan, I am going to eat guacamole, drink margarits, eat chocolate cheesecake and take the next week off!

Cheers!

Finals

All my tests are done. As of right now I have a B in Veterinary Lab Techniques and I got a C in my Interpersonal Relations class. I am kinda disappointed in that C. It is less than 2% away from a B. We get straight grades so the person who got 70.1% in the class got the same C I did at 78.72% . I could have done better on the final so that is my fault.

I am waiting for my Anatomy and Physiology teacher to put her grades in I am crossing my fingers for B’s but I truly have no idea what or when I am going to get in those

I hate being sick

I feel like crap. I held my bagel down, but just barely. I ran to rainbow to get soup and goldfish crackers and I was going down the isle to get the goldfish and this woman was parked at an angle across the isle right in front of my crackers. I say excuse me and she says "I'll just be a sec I need to pick out cookies" I say that I need to get to the crackers she gets all huffy moves her carts call me a b*#&h grabs two bags of milano cookies and walks away. I didn't even give her attitude... I am too tired and sick to give attitude... all I wanted was my crackers

And because of that I forgot to grab cottage cheese. i hate people when I am healthy, today, she is lucky I didn't clock her.

It’s time to write about life.

Well let’s start out with school. School has been going good. I am taking 4 classes, 2 are kicking my ass and the other 2 are not so bad. The toughest classes are Anatomy & Physiology. They are taught by a veterinarian and she has a tendency to talk over our heads. I really like her and wish she still practiced but her tests are extremely hard and it doesn’t seem to matter how little or how much I study I can’t seem to get better than 67%. Thankfully that is still passing and I have resigned myself to being happy as long as I pass and don’t have to take it over. We have started dissection, I thought that was going to be harder than it has been. I told my partner that I couldn’t handle a orange tabby so thankfully he got us an all black shorthaired female cat. I am amazed at how cool looking at the muscles is. Next week we start the GI system.

In sort of school related news….I am up to 4 workouts at school and one over my weekend. We have free access to the workout room at school. For the first two weeks it was Me, Chrissie and Britney going on Monday and Wednesday (an hour+), then Donalee wanted to start going on Tuesday and Thursday(just an hour). It’s great! The workout room is staffed by Health and Fitness students. Our guy is Josh and he ROCKS! He has us do different routines it’s really cool. The only part that sucks is that because of my knee surgery in 2002 and the lack of continued rehab I have to see my orthopedic surgeon to get cleared for some of the lower body stuff. That appointment isn’t until the 20th, so on M&W I am on the treadmill while Chrissie and Brit work out and then on T&Th Josh has me do a modified version of what they did without the lunges or squats. I tell you I never thought I would enjoy working out. On Monday we had to cut the workout short because Chrissie and I had a big test to study for and I felt really bad about it.

So that is my life update! I have to parties this weekend and a paper to write!!

The Start of the Downfall

Wednesday September 5th
I come into work and Manager had called in sick. No big deal. Coworker leaves a note detailing all the work he has done to set things up for the next few days. I think it’s odd, because it sounds like he is setting things up for his vacation but that doesn’t start until Sunday. I know that because it is written on the calendar we keep right in front of us.

Thursday September 6th (Happy Birthday Patrick)
I walk into our area at work and see that things haven’t changed from where I had left them the night before. I ask Manager “where the fuck is Coworker?”. Now mind you I come in to work at 2, coworker is scheduled from 8-4. Manager says, it’s his first day of vacation. Um… no it’s not it starts on Sunday. Manager pull up his vacation request form and hey.. look at that it starts on Sunday. 5 minutes before our weekly staff meeting Manager calls dumbass and informs him he should have been at work. During the staff meeting we come to find out that there 4 trade spots that should have been edited together by now and ready for me to start scheduling. That was the first I had heard of it. Guess who was to do the editing??/ yuppers, dumbass. The Boss says Coworker has had all the pieces to put them together for over a month, when is he going to be in because we need these on the air literally last week as some of the contracts are up at the end of the month. Answer… Sunday the 16th. The boss wigs out and assigns them to someone else so they can on the air by Sunday the 9th. This makes me smile because that might mean Coworker might maybe get in trouble. We get back to MC and there is a message on Manager’s voice mail. “hi, someone called me. I am not sure what’s up… call me back” he either failed to listen to the message or we has playing innocent. Manager calls him back and they have a discussion about the fact that he isn’t on vacation yet and that he has to come in to work on Friday to make up for the fact that he failed to show up and BTW all hell broke loose in the staff meeting because the spots aren’t done. Coworker claims and I quote “I wasn’t sure what days I was to work this week or not and I thought my vacation started today” even though it was written on 3 calendars that we walk past countless times a day. I got EXTREMELY giddy and went in to The Boss’s office and informed him that Coworker will be in tomorrow because he wasn’t supposed to gone today. That made The Boss mad and I truly thought that something was going to happen. He hadn’t shown up, called or informed anyone that it was his intent to be gone. Any NORMAL work place would have thrown the book at an employee if they failed to show up for work. I had a glimmer of hope when The Boss kicked me out of MC so that he and Manager could have a conversation about “how this happened”. An hour later I was allowed back in to MC and Manager. Manager told me that The Boss was going to talk to Coworker about his behavior. Sad thing was I knew that wasn’t going to happen. The Boss had meetings on Friday and if he didn’t talk to him then he never would. Talk about deflating. Not only was there going to be no repercussions I was now going to have to look at Coworker on my one of two days without him. I hate that!

Friday September 7th
I checked my email before I left for work and there was an email from Coworker listing all the things I did wrong or left out the night before. The sad part is it was all the normal things I leave for myself to do. I am the last one out on Thursday night and the only one on Friday and Saturday, so anything I set out or leave out is meant for me and no one else. Just because he had to come in on his day off is not my problem. I called Manager I told him I had refrained from sending a smartass reply, I figured it would only cause me trouble. I came in to work and guess what??? No one talked to Coworker GRRRRR.
Side story… a year a go we bought new programming software that is meant to schedule programming, track paid spots and it publishes our program schedules to our website. In that time Coworker has all but refused to learn it. (We have 5 channels that we air and Coworker is in charge of 2 of them.) We started with 3 trade spots in March and Coworker was told then that he HAD to use the new software… period. He did for about a week and then considered that one week as a template. The software randomly schedules the spots for separation so they don’t air at the same time every day. So from March until September what the tracking software said was not what actually aired on his channels and the web looked as if we had no programming on his channel.
The 4 trade spots that Coworker was supposed to edit were scheduled to start airing that Sunday. Coworker was once again told again that everything is to be done through the new software period. That was his one and only priority for that day. I stayed at my cube until 5 minutes before Coworker was leaving. I walk in and he tells me “everything is done, through the new software, everything is perfect, you wont even have to look at it while I am gone. It’s great we are all on the same page” off he goes and I am just thankful I am not going to have to see him for over a week. Then I came in to work on Saturday…..

I did it

I did it!!!! I quit my job!!!!!!!!!!!

So... I gave notice. I said I would work through next week. The Boss then asked if I could work through the first week of October as Manager will not be back from vacation until the 8th. I am changing my school schedule around because I AM NOT GOING TO BE WORKING HERE ANYMORE!!!! and said that it wouldn't work around what they would need me to work. The Boss said there might be a way to work out a part time schedule and we'll talk about it next week.

::::dancing:::::

Yikes

all of my test/classes are over until 10/1. I got 1 A and 2 B's. and then I have the worst day in the history of my employment at my current job.

Big changes are about to take place. keep your fingers and toes crossed for me. I promise next week I will have more details.

for now I am going to finish this beer, watch one more Judge Judy then I am going to crawl in to bed and try to get a good night sleep.

I am having what people like to call... a day. not a good day... not a bad day... just a day. I am REALLY looking forward to going home and sleeping in in the morning. I may even be awake when Hubby comes home tonight, we might even be able to have a real conversation. But no promises...

ACK!

Ok... I am not dead. My head has not expoleded. I do have a new instalation of the coworker saga but I have finals next week so things will have to wait.

So keep your fingers crossed for me for my tests!

I'm around and I will try to get a real post up soon :)