I am back… and damn I have missed me

Back at the start of the quarter I switched one of my meds and that was the biggest mistakes I could have made. This was the quarter I was taking Surgery and Anesthesia, where we assist with REAL animal surgeries. I also started working at school as an Animal care supervisor, not a good time to be messing with the status quo. The new meds seriously messed with my head. I was edgy and had a very short fuse. I didn’t like the way it made me feel and I was basically withdrawing from everything and when I wasn’t at school I was sleeping. I would make myself stay awake till Rob got home at 630 and would be in bed and asleep by 8 and would sleep straight through to my alarm. On weekends I would go to bed at 7 and sleep till 10am and take naps in the afternoon. I didn’t want to hang out with anyone and the biggest clue things were getting bad was the fact that I wasn’t excited at all for Halloween. If you know me you know I LIVE for carving pumpkins. That is when I couldn’t take it anymore and went back to the doctor and switched back. It was awful. Once I started to feel better I realized how much I was enjoying my classes and LOVE my job.
Over the last few weeks I have been going out, hanging with friends and just having a good time. I have seen Drew more in the last two weeks then I had in the last 3 months. It was when I was with Drew at DWI that I was once again being myself and happy, and it felt good to be me. I even got Rob to go out this weekend it was great. Kate I cursed you last week, I REALLY wanted to go out and get beer and I was striking out with all my boys and Rob was giving me the stink eye about all my options being boys and I was like “damn you Kate why did you have to go and move on me!!!” but that is ok he got over it. Being me is good. I am looking forward to having 2 weeks off from school (even though I will be working at school) and the start of the new quarter.

I am having a good day

and I have all my homework done too.

As you know I am getting my Clyde tattoo and I wasn’t sure about where I wanted it. I have another tattoo that I am going to get when I am done with school as a graduation gift. What it will be is a broken television with paw prints trailing away. This is to symbolize the end of my career in TV and the start of my new life of animal care. It is going to be a fairly large tattoo and I needed to figure out where I was going to put the TV first because I wanted to make sure there was enough room on my back for both tattoos. If there wasn’t enough room for both I would have to find another place for Clyde. As Rob and I were discussing my tattoo placement he suggested that I cover my tiger tattoo with the TV. I got my tiger tattoo some 10 years ago, it is a very simple tiger that was one of the many stock tattoos that you can find in any and all tattoo parlors. I loved my tiger until I saw the exact same tattoo on a not so pretty guy and ever since then I have been disappointed in it. I have 2 original tattoos and just wasn’t happy having something so unoriginal. I had looked into removal. The tiger in not small therefore removing it would not be cheap. So I decided to ask if it would be possible to cover the tiger with the TV. Rob and I made a run to talk to my tattoo guy. We stopped in for a quick consult; Jerred took one look at my tiger and said no problem. YIPPIE!!! That means I will have plenty of room for my TV, Clyde and maybe someday another tiger. I made my appointment for next Saturday at 4:30 to get Clyde done.

Later today Rob and I are going to Kate’s to say Aloha as she and Zac go on to the next stop on their marital adventure - Hawai'i

Long Term Re-cap part 1

Rob and I are coming up on our second wedding anniversary and in September we will have been together for 4 years. This is best and healthiest relationship I have ever been in. That got me thinking about my past long term relationships and thought it would be fun to hash over.

Here is part one

My first LTR was in high school, his name was Chris he was a year ahead of me and went to a different HS. We were together for 2 years. The last 4 months of our relationship he was away at school. He came home for winter break, we hung out every day did all the things teenagers do when they haven't seen each other in a long time. He went back to school and in the first week of January he calls me up to tell me he thinks we should break up and soon after that I found out he was hooking up with some chick. It was horrible... for me... and for the people who had to be around me (sorry Kate). He even sent Christmas cards to my out of state grandparents that year. He never really gave me a concrete reason why he broke things off that is until 2000. He had tried to contact me before that but I just didn’t have it in me to deal with it. At that point I felt it had been long enough we had both grown up and had been in the real world long enough that maybe we could be friends. We started talking while he was stationed in California somewhere. Things were going fine. I had forgiven him for breaking up with me and then hooking up with Rain. He started asking me about my relationship and giving me unwanted advice (I was with Dan at the time but I will get to him later). Then for whatever reason I will NEVER understand he informed that the reason he broke up with me in HS was for MY OWN GOOD. He felt that I was "too attached", that I "relied" on him for emotional needs Hello??? I loved the guy... in theory he loved me too... we were in a RELATIONSHIP!!!! Yes I know... it was HS but still. He then followed that lovely statement with he had his friend Dylan (who I really was never a fan of) “check up” on me, like drive by my parents house for him. I was being stalked by proxy. I flew off the handle... I had come to terms with the fact that he was just a horny guy states away from his girlfriend why did he have to purge his soul of that? I told him to go to hell and never try to be a part of my life. Chris tried to contact me again year or two after that, he called me from Japan but the answering machine picked up, he was talking so low that it cut him off. I never did find out what he called me about. He is a few years overdue for the “pop in” maybe he got the message that he isn’t meant to be in my life, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he did try again.

Heck of a week......

I am in a really GREAT mood, and I plan on staying that way for the rest of the week.

I went to the dentist this morning for the first time in forever. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. I am going to have to go back for deep cleaning and to fix one filling. They didn’t yell at me which made the idea of coming back not so bad.

Now that that is out of the way I have tomorrow to look forward to, and it’s going to be a GREAT day. I get to spend the day at school with my buddy Chrissie and she makes our classes fun :) I love that girl!!!!! After school I am running over to my mom’s so I can aspirate a lump on Oberon and clean his ears, but mostly I am going over so I can take a shower and change because ...

KATE AND I ARE GOING THE WILD GAME!!!!!!!!!!! I am totally stoked. I can’t even remember last hockey game I went to. I am sure it was the last game Kate and I went to together... that was our “thing” in high school you see. So this is how the game came about. Kate and I have been bantering about that we needed to go out for beers, dinner, or coffee but we hadn’t really nailed down a time.. no big deal. Then last Tuesday my mom went to the coffee shop on the corner for her weekly knitting group and who does she ambush (and call by her sister’s name)? none other than Kate. So there Kate is having a peaceful time with her cousin when mom feels the need to make us talk to each other and calls me up on her cell phone and hands it to Kate. We have an uncomfortable conversation and we agree that we will do something this Tuesday and we’ll email the details. We sent the emails with no concrete plans on Wednesday. I was also thinking I should see if Bill is working on Tuesday because maybe I could grab a drink with him after dinner with Kate and after he get off work because I would be in Minneapolis anyway. Well I have access to Bill’s schedule so I looked up 3/4/08 and he is working the Wild game and that gave me the bright idea that Kate and I should go to a hockey game. After reading her latest blog I knew the girl needed a hockey game. I checked with ticketmaster and they said they didn’t have any tickets left so I hit up Bill to see if he could hook us up. I was a chick on a mission. Few days went by and no word from Bill but I did sign up for alerts if they released anymore tickets for the game and I got one. I jumped online and got us 2 tickets. :) I was rather proud of myself. If you didn’t notice I didn’t ask Kate before I bought the tickets… I was teasing my un-sportloving hubby that if Kate couldn’t go that he was going to go… he didn’t like that idea. I texted her and asked if she knew anyone who wanted to go to the game and thankfully for Rob she said she would go. :)

GRUDGE

Part of Speech: noun
Definition: bitterness
Synonyms: animosity, animus, antipathy, aversion, bad blood, dislike, enmity, grievance, hard feelings, hate, hatred, ill will, injury, injustice, malevolence, malice, maliciousness, malignancy, peeve, pet peeve, pique, rancor, resentment, spite, spitefulness, spleen, venom

Grudges, I am full of them, and I hold them for a long time. In the last year my mother has been trying to convince me that I should forgive a childhood friend (she wasn’t really my friend but a daughter of my parents friends who was also my age), this girl was mean and a bully. She liked making the other girls at my birthday parties cry and when I was 5 or 6 I was at her house and she locked me in her parents room and wouldn’t let me leave, I was in hysterics. When my parents decided I was old enough to choose my own friends I no longer had anything to do with her. I hate her to this day and I still want nothing to do with her. I don’t care that she has signed up to save the world through the Peace Corp or whatever. There is nothing she can do that will make me forget/forgive what she did to me when I had no say in whether I wanted to be around her. Yes it seems petty that 25-27 years later I am so adamant about my feelings, but when I hear my parents talk about how wonderful she is I can’t help but feel like that little girl screaming and pounding on that bedroom door begging to be let out and just go home. I see no reason to change my opinions about people who royally fucked me over. The guy who molested me when I was 13 could find the cure for cancer, AIDS and world hunger, I still want him dead. All those kids who treated me like shit at my parents church and the assholes from high school, I don’t want to hear about them. I just don’t care. For some reason my folks have a hard time understanding that I don’t want an update on the people who treated me like crap or thought they were better than me. I have spent my time clearing my life of people like that for a reason.

But then there is Kate. That was a whole other issue. I managed to get over that because I had to ask myself, what had Kate really done to me that earned my being so angry. The simple fact was, she had done nothing. We spent four very intense and emotional (it was high school) years together. There wasn’t a day that we didn’t see each other or at least spend an hour on the phone. Then we graduated and went on to separate schools and paths in life. We tried for awhile to make each other fit, but life being what it is it just wasn’t working and that hurt. A lot. It always hurts when someone important to you moves on without you. The anger (at least for me) came from not understanding why something that was important in my life was no longer as important in hers, and the other way around as well. From there the we just got stubborn. As adults (and yes Kate we qualify as adults) we were finally able to accept that we now can fit. Will we end up like Mom & Molly?? Who knows, but we will always have a connection.

The moral of the story?? I guess it’s just don’t screw me over. And if you do, I am not going to care what you are doing 5, 10, 15 or 25 years later.

What a monday!

I took my second test today and I got a B. That was cool!

Then I went out to lunch with Kate... we always have so much fun.

Then I stopped by my friendly neighborhood Kia dealer and bought a new car

This is my new Kia Spectra, it's a 2007 with 8099 miles on it. my side of the garage is so empty. I already have my Nebraska window sticker on I am just going to miss my Nebraska tire cover.

I am looking forward to the added 7-11 miles per gallon average over my sportage. Last week between work and school I drove 405 miles. It's 427 miles from my front door to my favorite Quick Trip in Omaha that is only 20 miles more, how scary is that? I am hoping to go from 8 tanks of gas a month to 5 and at $36+ a tank that is a nice saving.

Monday...

My First day of school.......

On Sunday (well actually all week) I was stressing out. I was still trying to figure out if I had it in me to really take on full time classes and work.. I couldn’t find my class schedule (see previous post for the the irony), I had typed it into my online calendar but I didn’t put what the room number was. So as far as I knew I had biology at 8:25 on Monday and Wednesday. All I could tell myself to try and ease the freak-out was that at 1pm after school I was meeting Bret for lunch and beers. I tried to go to bed at like 8:30 because I had to get up at 6am for the first time in ages, so I wanted to get a full night sleep. I took my sleeping pills at 8:45, I should have been dead to the world by 9:30 at the latest. I think I finally passed out at 12:30 and it was CRAP sleep.

I got my stuff together, had my coffee , got dressed and at 730 I was out the door. I get to school and stop in the office to get them to print me a schedule so I would know where to go. He hands it to me and I realize that they don’t put your schedule together in the order of the days they fall on, but in alphabetical. So Monday’s class was in fact Medical terminology and it starts at 8:55 and I had ALL THE WORNG BOOKS. AS usual when things like that happen… I called my mom and at that point she tells me that she read on Heidi’s blog that Kate is engaged. WOOHWOOO! That made me feel a little better about my class debacle. So I went into the right classroom and sat down. Then I started talking to this girl who had sat down next to me, you know just chit-chat. Well the teacher made us go around the room and introduce ourselves, and the girl next to me says “Hi, my name is Katherine”. I almost fell out of my chair. You see 16 years ago in September on my first day of high school, in my first class, scared out of my wits, in gym class,
sitting against the wall in the wrestling room I started talking to the girl who was sitting next to me, and that was Kate. She turned out to be my best friend all through HS, so it was trippy that this girl was also a Katherine. I managed to make it through class because she let me share her book. Freaky! I feel a lot better about this whole idea of school. I think I can handle it.

After class I had to make a run over to my mom’s house and in doing so I have to drive past Kate’s house and I said to myself if her dog is in the yard I am going to make a quick stop to see the ring. She was home and I got the story about the ring and I told her about the chick in class. Great times, and we shall be doing beer soon. I love that girl!

would like to thank the universe...

for 2 very helpful things, early 90’s metal and big ass headphones. I knew it was going to take some intense willpower to keep from kicking co-worker in the shin when I came in today, so I decided I was going to hide in my cube, put my big ass headphones on and listen to Guns n Roses and Metallica. No one seems to want to talk me when I have the headphones on and I needed the stress relief of Enter Sandman. I also had to grin and think about Kate when the GnR kicked in.

:)

The Weekend

This weekend was not event free. I did manage to mess up at work AGAIN. I REALLY need to find someplace else to go. I think my subconscious is mounting a rebellion against this place. I hate spacing out on things. I know my manager is not happy. But I don’t know what else I can do besides tattooing reminders on my hands and how would I explain that when I am 90 and in the home? The snooty 20something comes in to give me my meds “what does that mean? Remember the load files?” and THEN I will remember why it’s there but apparently I can’t get the swing of it now. Figures.

The rest of the weekend was swell. Rob has a new hobby, RC cars. They are cool and he has found the ones that you can do all the upgrades to. I will be more willing to play with them when we can take them out to the street in the summer. For now they are mostly a cat torment device. Duncan wants nothing to do with them and Hellina likes to play with the smaller ones she can pick up with her teeth. The new ones are too big and tend to just run over her when she pounces on them. Cinder couldn’t get a damn one way or the other as long as they stay away from the food dish when she’s eating.

It’s rough being cats in our house.

On the good side I am meeting up with Kate for Strongbow on tap tomorrow night and so she can explain why I might have to break the “No return to Okalahoma” rule.

And here is why....

You see I had planned on a post today that outlined how I came to the conclusion that my ex-boyfriend is in fact my closeted-gay-ex-boyfriend. You see I find it an amusing story and with the crappy weather I wanted to tell a funny story.

But no, because I am depressed.

When I came into work today all the planning ahead for the crappy weather my boss and I did yesterday was all for not. Two thirds of our shows didn't run right. So we might as well have just turned the machines off and would have had the same result. SO that sucked. Then at 2:45 I read Kate’s blog. She is moving to Oklahoma. (O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A Oklahoma O-K) And this is a good thing… but also sucks. You see after 8-9 years of stubbornness we started talking again and have gone out a few times for beers. We are both in really good places in our lives and it has been so cool reconnecting. And now she is leaving for my birth-state to be with a cool Nebraska born Navy boy. I am over the moon happy for her, but selfishly I don’t want to see her go. Mostly because I made a pact never to back to Oklahoma again and now I may have to break that.

So CONGRATULATIONS KATE… there better be a party!

Ahhh Beer

MMMMMM beer. I fell off my diet last night... well not fell really. I planned a night out my buddy Kate and we went to an irish bar. You can't NOT drink when they have Strongbow on tap and an Irish band playing. I felt is this morning, but it was well worth it.
MMMM BEER