updates and my chance to see Eddie

I know I have been absent for a long while my life has been torn upside-down. In the last 2+ months I have filed for divorce, moved out, graduated, took 2 certification tests and taken some much needed time for myself as well as started working at the clinic I did my internship at. These are all good things.

Rob and I are going to be fine… as friends. We talk everyday and txt often. I think he is ready for all of my stuff to be gone from the house but that will happen soon enough. We had a hearing on August 6^th to get the divorce stuff figured out. The Judge signed off and we will be getting the paper work sometime here.

I graduated on June 25^th. On the 26^th I went on the annual vacation with friends and family to the north shore. I have mentioned it here before. We went up on Friday and came home on Tuesday. It was amazing. I got to chill with as my mom puts it “My family of choice”. The Cross-etts (all 8 of them), the Tennessen clan, Roger Doger and last but not least… Lois J. We played Todd ball and sat around the fire. I had the best and most well needed sleep.

We got back on Tuesday and on that Wednesday I checked in to the hotel where Convergence was going to be held. I spent the next 5 days/nights at the hotel getting my geek on. I realized just how much I missed my geeks. I hung out with the gang but also got to hang with my mom my real brother and my little brothers (My mom’s best friends kids) Pack and Andrew. It was great! I can’t wait for next year.

A few week later I went to Nebraska to visit my Grands. It was good to see them I haven’t been down to see them in a while. Mom and I managed to not argue/try to kill each other.. always a bonus.

Last week I spent time in Lansing MI with one of my oldest and closest friends, Eddie. Eddie moved away between 7^th and 8^th grade, after that we wrote each other letters (yes in the days before email). I would write him 10-15 pages at a time. There were times when I would start writing him letters but I never would get around to sending them and those letters turned into my love for free writing and how I have managed to keep journals. Every “journal” entry is started with “Hey You” and always written as if I was writing to Eddie to tell him all the ups and downs of my life and help talk myself through whatever it is that I am dealing with. Eddie and I lost touch but reconnected again and I went to visit him in 2001, it was the first time I had seen him since he moved away in Jr. High. It was a great time and then it was another 8+ years before once of us got it together to visit the other. It’s easy to see that my life has been a rollercoaster this year and I really needed time to spend with one of my best friends. It was great! I got to meet his friends and it was really great to get some faces to match the names.

Our friendship is a very unique one. Our entire relationship is based on communication. Through letters and phone calls. We have always been 100% honest with each other because we don’t know any of the other people, just names. The only concern we have is for each other. There also is no judgment. The good the bad and the ugly, it doesn’t matter. Ours is an unconditional love and I am not talking romantically. I have someone who I can talk freely with without fear of judgment... who knows every ugly secret and it doesn't change how he interacts with me... someone who will not tell me what I want to hear but the truth no matter how much it hurts... That is what is rare and the true meaning of unconditional love. I have been lucky to find that and be able to hold on to it for 20 years.

Finding that oasis in Lansing last week, was an amazing thing. I was able to step back from the worries and stresses that are a part of everyday. The stress of starting a new life and trying to keep my sanity. I didn’t know coming home would hit me as hard as it did. It is tempting to just run away, but that is not the answer to anything.

Oh and by the way I PASSED MY NATIONAL CERT TEST!!! I AM A CVT!