Oliver

they tell you in school that it will happen. they tell you to prepare for it to happen. How do you do that? how do you prepare for the one animal that will have that reaction.

Today we had a beautiful black and white 2 year old cat come in. His name was Oliver, he was sweet and even knew how to hug. Routine nothing big. He was a routine de-claw. (fuck you to any one who wants to argue the “cruelty” of delcawing. with out it he wouldn’t have had a home so, repeat FUCK YOU). he was healthy in every respect.  He is prepared for surgery and his body fights it tooth and nail. lighten him up.. take him deeper... put him on straight O2.... increase the iso... flip him to do the other paw... heart rate is at 60... then I can’t feel it. It was gone no heart rate. Dr. gives epi and cpr.

all I could say was “Dr make him go... just make him go”. she tried longer knowing he was gone to give me the chance. His heart didn’t go and I fell apart.  

you can tell yourself you’ll be able to deal when something like that happens but how can you prepare to feel life stop under your finger tips.

this is the first day I have hated my job.